Of Karts and Romance
by The Halfblood Raven
Summary: Waluigi has never really met Toadette, but one late-night conversation sparks everything. Too bad Toad doesn't approve.


Disclaimer; I don't own Nintendo, nor do I want to, there's too much paperwork involved.

The first time Waluigi met Toadette was right before a Versus Team Grand Prix sometime in late summer. Oh, sure, he'd seen her before, usually in the company of Princess Peach, Luigi, or Toad, but he'd never really met her. Mario started things off in the Kart Garage.

″Alright, you guys know the rules. Ten people, two teams. If you're not participating, warp out.″ He ordered. The air was filled with the sound of warp tunnels appearing and disappearing as people left. Waluigi nervously counted out the ten people that remained: himself, King Boo, Toadette, Dry Bones, Yoshi, Princess Daisy, Mario, Bowser, Luigi, and Toad.

Mario spoke again. ″Right. Gather around.″ He held out his plumber's hat with ten cards in it. Five of them were blue, and five of them were red. ″Who's the blue captain?″ He asked, since Mario always captained the red team if he was driving.

Waluigi muscled his way forward. ″Me!″ he said loudly. Mario nodded in acknowledgment. He passed his hat around, letting people choose their colors for this Grand Prix.

″Alright, everyone show your colors.″ Mario said. The five people on the red team were Mario, Luigi, Dry Bones, Yoshi and Toad. The five that would wear blue were Waluigi, Toadette, Bowser, Princess Daisy, and King Boo. Daisy and Toadette looked a little worried that they were on a predominantly dark team, actually little Toadette was nearly in tears. The two teams walked away to their respective cabins before they chose the first race the next morning.

Waluigi led them into the blue building at the back of the garage and they all settled into their individual bedrooms for the night. He rarely slept well, and that night proved itself to be one where his insomnia kicked in. Instead of uselessly sitting in his bed, he put on a pair of pants and moved out to the common area. He chose a book at random from the bookshelves and clicked on a lamp to read by. He had happened to pick up a manual on lightweight karts and bikes. Poring over the electronics of a Bullet Bike, Waluigi failed to hear the slight squeak of a door opening and closing. He did, however, look up sharply at a startled ″Eep!″ noise.

″Who's there?″ Waluigi asked, fingering the miniature green shell he kept in his pocket.

″Me!″ A shaky female voice called out. She toddled into the lamplight, revealing her identity as Toadette. ″I didn't expect anyone else to be up! I'm sorry if I bothered you! I, I'll just go back to bed.″ she said, bowing her head and starting to run off, obviously nervous and flustered.

″No. Stay, please.″ Waluigi asked, reaching for her, though he didn't know why. ″I could use the company.″ He said, seeing her confused look. She made the last few steps to the couch that he was sitting on, revealing her height to be more than the original three and a half feet he'd guessed. Toadette refused his offer of help as she clambered up the front of the large sofa.

″I can do it.″ she puffed.

″Are you okay with being on my team, Toadette? I saw you and Daisy were more than a bit uncomfortable with us. I can ask for a redrawing of the teams if you'd like.″ Waluigi offered.

″No, no. There's no need to inconvenience everybody. If I was chosen for the blue team, I'll drive for the blue team, whether I like the people I'm driving with or not.″ Toadette said, though her eyes told a different story.

″Is it me?″ Waluigi asked. He knew that most people didn't like him as much as Wario. Mario and Wario were the main characters for their respective sides, and they were well loved by either population, while Luigi and Waluigi just followed their lead. They even looked similar to one another, even though the Wario brothers were gross caricatures of the Mario brothers; Mario was short and stocky, where Wario was squat and fat. Luigi was taller and slimmer, leading Waluigi to be gangly and as thin as a rail.

″No!″ Toadette squeaked, bringing him out of his musings. ″It's not you. If you must know, it's Bowser. He terrifies me!″

″You're a smart girl. If you weren't afraid of Bowser, I'd be worried for you. Even Wario pisses himself after dealing with our esteemed King of Darkness.″ Waluigi answered.

″You're so crude!″ Toadette said, but she was laughing as she said it.

″He is more powerful than Princess Peach and she knows it. She also knows that he surrounds himself with idiot advisers and as long as her army puts up some slight resistance, Bowser will capture her and knock it off. Mario doesn't ever get called in to save her until the war's practically over. But anyway, why does he frighten you?″

″He's so big, and menacing. He only speaks in grumbles and it's like he'd order my execution and his dinner in the same breath and not be terribly concerned about either one!″

To Toadette's surprise, Waluigi burst into laughter. ″It's not funny!″ Toadette cried, exasperated.

″I'm not laughing because it's funny, I'm laughing because he's said that exact phrase before to Wario when Wario pissed him off once.″ Waluigi answered.

″Really?″ Toadette asked. Waluigi nodded, along with a rare smile.

″What about King Boo? Does he bother you?″ He asked, shifting slightly closer to the girl.

″I know how to get rid of him. Look him in the eyes and say 'I don't believe in ghosts' and he'll go away and sulk in his cage. Daisy is the one that's scared of him.″ Toadette giggled.

″I don't scare you?″ Waluigi asked quietly, somewhat nervous for her answer.

″You, you used to. But I see who you are; you're just like Luigi. You fight for those that fight for you and you take revenge on those that wrong you, but you don't enjoy the limelight as much as Mario and Wario do.″

Waluigi managed to keep a mostly unsurprised expression, but could not help raising a questioning eyebrow. _He_ was just like Luigi? That was something to ponder over later.″Does anyone else bother you?″ He asked.

″Toad! The little so-and-so doesn't know how to take a hint! He's cap-over-heels in love with me, or at least puts off that image, and doesn't realize I don't like him back! And of course, the Princess thinks we're cute and shoves us together at any possible opportunity so I can't even avoid him at work.″ She complained.

″Have you ever shelled him? Off the track, I mean.″

″Never deliberately.″ She answered as she showed him a string of small red, green, and blue shells that she wore around her neck. ″I'm getting tired of putting up with him, I've complained to everybody I thought could help, but nothing has come of it.″

Waluigi shifted minutely closer to Toadette ″Would you like my help?″ He asked, hoping he didn't sound sleazy.

″What could you do?″

″A couple of POW boxes so he's forced to use sub-par karts?″ Waluigi suggested.

Toadette laughed ″It is hard to trace POW boxes, isn't it?″

″Or pay him a late night visit at home.″

″Just don't hurt him. Threaten him all you like, but don't injure him.″ Toadette commanded.

″If he hits me first, I will hit back. I'm not a turn the other cheek kind of guy.″ Waluigi warned.

″Turning the other cheek just allows you to get slapped on the other side.″ she said somewhat bitterly. She yawned and deliberately fell off the couch. ″I'm going back to bed. Goodnight, Waluigi.″

″Goodnight Toadette.″ Waluigi replied, returning to the electronic schematics for the Bullet bikes. After a while, he replaced the manual back on the shelf and went to bed himself.

The next morning, the teams met in the garage to discuss the tracks. An hour later, they had four tracks chosen: Mushroom Gorge, Koopa Cape, Moonview Highway, and Bowser's Castle 3. Mario opened a giant warp tunnel and ushered them all through. The ten participants roared onto the starting grid of Mushroom Gorge where Lukita waited patiently on his cloud. Mario and Waluigi took the last two places; it was assumed since they were captains they had the skill to come from the back and eventually win. As Lukita counted down, Waluigi revved up the engine on his Flamerunner, hoping to boost forward and pass most of the pack quickly.

The signal to start was given, and Waluigi shot forward to fifth place. He managed to get a drift off Dry Bones and move forward two more spots to third. The leaders collected the power-up boxes. Yoshi ended up with a Thundercloud, while Toad had gotten a single banana. Waluigi managed to avoid both traps but couldn't drift wide enough to pick up a box for himself. As they raced towards the wooden bridge before the first jump, Waluigi turned just enough to not hit the guard-rail instead of following the curve of the bridge like most chose to. As he hit the speed pad, he spoke into his mic to the rest of his team.

″Okay, where are we positioned?″ He asked, bouncing onto the first mushroom. Toadette reported back in fifth, Bowser just behind her. King Boo was in eighth and Daisy was tenth.

″Toadette, try and knock Yoshi out of the way if you can, I want you behind me as we move forward so if I get hit with a shell our team can keep the lead. Daisy, try for a Bullet Bill; I don't think you'll get one this early but sometimes the boxes are generous. I'll wait for you, Toadette, and then we'll push for the lead.″ He said, making a narrow turn to the split between the path and the second and third bouncy mushrooms. Toadette managed to get a lucky shot with a green shell to the dinosaur and moved behind Waluigi in fourth place. As they raced into the mushroom tunnel towards the gorge, Waluigi threw a red shell in front of him to hit Luigi. Toadette and Waluigi raced forward beneath the squalling plumber.

″Toad is in the lead, I can't get a clear shot with a banana though.″ Toadette crackled through the radio.

″Incoming POW box.″ King Boo suddenly screeched. Waluigi timed a bounce on the mushroom just right to avoid spinning out, but Daisy wasn't so lucky. Waluigi heard her scream as she fell into the gorge beneath them.

″Daisy, you okay?″ Toadette asked.

″Lakitu's got me, I'll be back up in a second.″ She answered, sounding out of breath.

″Waluigi, stay back. I've got a blue shell.″ Bowser growled.

″Toadette, close the gap, we'll get one and two and lead the rest.″ Waluigi said as they rounded the final turn towards the start/finish line. Toadette roared up behind him as Bowser's shell slammed into Toad's Bit Bike. As the second lap started Toadette reported Mario and Toad just behind them.

″What did you get from the boxes?″ Waluigi asked, turning onto the bridge.

″A banana.″ She answered. Daisy spoke up to note that she'd gotten a Bullet Bill and was about to use it. Waluigi gave her the go-ahead, then told Toadette to take the lead, since he'd gotten three red shells.

″Outbound Squid.″ Bowser rumbled. As the thick, foul-tasting ink spattered over Mario and Toad, Waluigi and Toadette switched places. Waluigi shot the shells toward them, reserving the last one in case a surprise showed up.

″Outbound Lightning″ King Boo shrieked as they bounced over the gorge on the mushrooms. Only Toad did not fall through, so Lukita was kept busy retrieving his teammates. By the point that they were all back on track, the Blue team was far ahead. Someone on the Red team got lucky and used Lightning, but it was too late. Waluigi finished first, Toadette second, Bowser fourth, King Boo sixth and Daisy seventh.

After the races at Koopa Cape and Moonview Highway, where again the Blue team dominated, Toad approached Toadette in the Garage to talk. The rest of their teams were there as well, either working on their karts or helping others do the same.

″Toadette? I want to talk to you.″ Toad said.

Toadette violently shook her braids out of her face as she changed the oil on her Bit Bike. ″Funnel.″She snapped, pointing in the general direction of her tool tray. Toad silently handed it to her, then gave her paper towels when she asked for them as well. As she continued working on the bike, Waluigi leaned against his Wario Bike, observing for now, though ready to act if things got ugly.

″You're here. I'm here. Talk.″ She told Toad.

″Are you mad at me?″ He asked. Toadette snorted.

″No. I am, however, very annoyed at you and have been for quite some time.″ She answered.

″What have I done?″ Toad asked.

″Are you asking because you know what you've done and you're wanting to see what I took offense to or do you legitimately not know what you've done?″ She asked.

″I legitimately don't know what I've done!″ He said, raising his voice slightly, attracting mild attention from the rest of the garage.

″What have you done? Okay, let's start with the fact that you are always following me around! You treat me like a kooping china doll, and despite my best attempts, you have not gotten the clue that I don't kooping like you!″ Many sets of eyebrows raised; Toadette rarely cursed, and when she did, it was best to move away quickly.

″You've changed, Toadette. I don't like it. Have you been talking to those three?″ He vaguely gestured at Waluigi, Bowser and King Boo.

″So what if I have? They're my friends.″ Toadette snapped.

″They are lying to you, Toadette. Whatever they have told you is a lie. They want to get on your good side and then leave you broken, crying out for help.″ Toad told her.

″Shut up.″ Waluigi spoke in a low, threatening tone. ″You know nothing. We have treated her how she has asked us to.″

″They're trying to recruit you for Bowser's side!″ Toad shouted.

Bowser laughed as he answered. ″What could I use her for? She's too well known to be a spy and she's too short to do much of anything else. No offense meant, girlie.″

″None taken, Bowser. I am shocked that you think I would be taken quite that easily, Toad. Oh, and you can tell Princess Peach she'll be short a chambermaid when you see her next, I'm quitting.″

″And how are you gonna 'provide for yourself', huh?″ Toad said angrily, stepping into her face.

″I do believe that is none of your business, I'd also get out of the lady's personal space if you don't want your teeth rearranged with her ratchet wrench.″ Waluigi said, moving behind Toadette, fingering a red shell in his pocket. Mario and Luigi stepped forward and forcefully steered Toad away.

″You've changed, Toadette! I don't like it!″ Toad cried, refusing to not have the last word.

″Of course I've changed, you idiot!″ Toadette shouted at his retreating back.

Waluigi placed his hand on her shoulder in silent support. Unconsciously, she leaned against him and started crying silently. Waluigi bent down and picked her up bridal-style to take her back to the Blue team's cabin. The other three members followed behind, all annoyed at Toad. The three of them went into their respective rooms to give Toadette and Waluigi some space. The two of them sat down on a couch together in the common area. She laid her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around hers. He spoke softly, trying his best to comfort the girl ″It's going to be okay, Toadette. He's just being a prick. If he can't accept that you have new, different friends, then he doesn't deserve your friendship.″

Waluigi didn't get to say more because Toadette moved suddenly and covered his mouth with hers. He was shocked for a moment, but slowly found himself kissing back. Suddenly panicking, he broke away, eliciting a hurt look from Toadette. Almost whispering, he asked ″Are you sure you want to do this? I'm not saying I didn't enjoy that, but I don't want you to regret this. You're going to be shunned by most of the Toad society.″

″I already am, because I worked for Princess Peach. Quit worrying, Waluigi. ″ Toadette asked, before kissing him again.

″Wait, what?″ Waluigi asked, gently moving away.

Toadette giggled ″I was the Toad Princess. Toads don't like royalty working at all. I'm supposed to do basically nothing all day, but when I became of age, I told them 'Watch me' and ran away. I have to work now, because they won't take me back, but I don't care. Toad was basically a companion to make sure I didn't get into too much trouble while my 'rebellious stage' lasted.″ She explained.

They began kissing again with enthusiasm, but the sound of shattering glass soon broke them apart again. Daisy stood in the open kitchen connected to the common area, the remnants of a glass cup littering the floor near her feet.

″Oh, sorry. Congratulations, you two. I'll clean this up and you can go back to what you were doing.″ The Princess said, already bending down to scoop up the glass shards.

″Let me get it, Princess Daisy.″ Toadette asked, clambering down from beside Waluigi. He watched her clean it up and did not notice Princess Daisy until she was right behind him, whispering in his ear.

″Hurt Toadette, and I will hurt you.″ She grabbed a book off the bookshelf, pretending to read its back cover.

Waluigi took a breath and spoke ″I can't promise that.″ He felt the deadly glare that Daisy had leveled at him and hurriedly continued ″I can promise that I will never deliberately hurt her.″

″That's all I ask.″ She said, before grabbing herself a new drink and gliding into her room.

″What did Daisy ask you?″ Toadette asked as she settled back on the couch next to Waluigi.

″Whether I'd read the book she'd picked up or not. I hadn't.″ He lied, laying on his side and allowing Toadette to lean against his stomach. They sat in silence for a long time, until Waluigi realized that she had fallen asleep against him. He smiled, a rare sight, as he kicked off his shoes and joined her in slumber.

To no one's surprise, at the final race the next morning, Toad did everything in his power to destroy Waluigi's bike, enough that his own team refused to help him. The Blue team still won the Grand Prix and a celebration was held in front of Princess Peach's castle. The massed crowd of humanoids demanded a speech from Waluigi.

″Oh, wow, okay, um. I wanna say thanks to my team; without them and their efforts, we wouldn't be standing up here. I hope to race with them again, and have just as much fun then as we've had these past four days.″

The crowd cheered and when they paused, Waluigi continued. ″I'll say thanks to the Red team, you were good opponents and I enjoyed racing with you. That's all folks.″ The gathered roared their approval and began to party as the five teammates climbed down from the raised platform they'd been standing on.

Squatting down to Toadette's height so she could hear him over the crowd, he shouted ″Wait for me by the bike, I've got one last thing I gotta do.″ Toadette nodded in acknowledgment and moved away. Waluigi melted into the crowd searching for Toad. He found him among a band of other Toads, far from the rest of the crowd, all shooting Waluigi nasty looks. ″I wanna thank you too, Toad.″

″For what?″ Toad spat.

Waluigi smirked. ″If you hadn't pissed off Toadette, I wouldn't have her as a girlfriend.″

″What?!″ Toad shouted.

″I didn't stutter.″ Waluigi said, before walking off. Toad threw a red shell and though his throw was marred with rage, the shell still picked out it's intended target and flew towards the Blue captain. Waluigi did not even turn around as he dropped a banana peel to destroy the shell. He grinned as he heard Toad's wordless cry of anger. Making it to the other side of the crowd, Waluigi watched Toadette jog towards him.

″Did you get it done?″ She asked. Waluigi nodded as he swung his leg over the side of his Wario Bike. She clambered on behind him and placed her hands on his waist as he started the engine. He smiled back at her as they rode down the highway, going wherever the bike was going to take them.


End file.
